I am a Product

I am a product.

No, not that kind, not the kind that can be bought

For there is no price tag large enough to show the world I am worth it

My talents, my beauty, intelligence, creativity

Most importantly my love for the human kind

No matter their religion, ethnicity, sexual orientation, shape or size

I am a product.

Born in the city of Baltimore, brought up by a village

Loved by so many for reasons I have yet to understand

My past a road block I thought kept me sheltered

But won’t allow self-acceptance to get in

I am fighting with my shadow, loathing my reflection

I tango with the Devil and twerk to Rhianna, pop lock and drop it

I am a product.

Of a future close enough for me to grasp

It’s not a dream it is reality that I can be whatever I want to be

If I stopped letting anxiety and pain get the best of me

It’s right there Kim, it’s right there you just have to reach

Tangled up in a metaphorical chain

Screaming, crying as I put my fist through the wall

Yank the Christmas light from the ceiling now sitting in the dark

I rock back and forth

I am a product.

Hey girl, I see you trying to disappear

Sinking like the Titanic, holding on to whatever you can

You don’t really want to die. You are just hurting it’s okay

Let it out, cry.

Stop it now! Back away from the toilet, no more jumping jacks

He didn’t rape you due to size

That’s on him girl, I know you tried to fight

And although you continue to starve in attempt to rid imaginary filth

Baby girl I still see you.

I am a product.

“All my life I had to fight” a different shade than the color purple

Demons oh demons telling me I am the nothing but my past

As a vicious cycle of memories on repeat

Girls scream, your nothing but a slut as they throw pens at me

I sit there seemingly un-phased

Wondering when there will be better days

I shrink into my chair until I can’t take it anymore

Run out of the classroom and make my way to the corner

Light it up, cancer stick lucky number 7

Security guard asks “what are you doing?”

I reply “securing my lungs a spot in heaven”

I am a product.

Once a gymnast always a gymnast

My life is upside down and I’m proud cause not everyone

Not everyone can rely on their hands to carry them through

I am strong like bull, built like my mother, wise from appreciated knowledge

No thanks to college

I am a product.

Always fighting with myself as if I am the enemy

Nothing I do is good enough, that’s what I tell myself

But look at me now, published author, loving mother

To a cat

Adulting on a whole nother level

Like I said I am fighting with the devil

As I am blinded by fear, fear of failing at something

I haven’t even tried

Like living life in recovery and accepting my size

Loving what my body can do for me, such hate towards my thighs

When they are simply a reminder every time they rub together

That I am alive

I am a product

Of God’s creation, everything about me designed within His favor

A little quirky, outspoken, loud, funny, wise, thinking outside the box

Standing up for what I believe in, even if I am the only one

I have nothing to lose but so much to gain

I’ll repeat again and again

I am a product of God’s creation

And if I really loved Jesus the way I say I do

I wouldn’t harm myself in so many way

But I could love myself more too

Because I am also a product of however I choose to shape my life

And oh boy am I going to conquer!

©Kim Edwards