The contradictions of life




In a Universe so big, that expects so much
It's almost impossible not to feel small, claustrophobic, and isolated
All at the same time.
God forbid you need some attention, then you are selfish for asking.
Nature provides us with all human necessity
Including vitamins, minerals, distraction from self fulfilling prophecies,
And expectations others may have put on us which we accepted
Only to turn around and scream "This is WAY too much!!"
Sometimes, most times, I find myself questioning
How exactly am I supposed to both live up to the standards of a society
whom hates to admit there is a right and wrong way to live
while also following the guide of a self help book that argues the opposite
of what human interaction demands of me?
While at the same time you wonder why in the midst of it all I cry at the trickle of a raindrop.
Wanting to have control over the weather and willingly relinquishing my burdens
to a spirit I chose to believe in is a battle I have yet to fully conquer.
You wonder why when the sun is out all you see are salty tears
burned beneath my lashes.
I have been crying because it's hard to accept responsibility, peace with the world, love for myself and acceptance of others who want nothing more than to see me fail.
You question why in a world so big and filled with opportunity
a girl brave as me would in the blink of an eye, hand it all over without ever looking back.
Well I'll tell you why
As you sit here and recite "You cannot have your cake and eat it too" I finally agree.
There is no way to please you all, myself, my God and accept guidance to peaceful and healthy living.
The power of peace I have come to believe only exists in the afterlife
A place where being myself is the only option whatever that may look like.
In my 25 years of living I have decided this is all that I desire.




Kim Edwards
July, 31, 2015